And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
