After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
then he tried to convert me to islam
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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