; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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