but the lizard people decide everything anyway
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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