Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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