she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
