people are starting to question the shark bite story
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize