I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
