She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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