i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
