Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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