Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
