I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
