my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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