Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
