Im at strip club and am horny
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
