I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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