i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
