I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
