I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
