oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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