Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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