If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
