Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
