I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
