Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
