my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize