my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
