She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
