i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
