So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
As shirtless as possible
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
