When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
She has the best kind of daddy issues
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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