it was like eating out sand paper
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
