I wannas sexs uuuuu
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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