Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Randomize
