I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
