Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
