dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize