On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
