This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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