When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
