i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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