why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
