Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Shame - the story of my life.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
