I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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