Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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