And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
