I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize