so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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