paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
