i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
