How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
