the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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