You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize