my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
