a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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