i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
