Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
