that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
