you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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