I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
