apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
