i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
