I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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