I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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