Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
